Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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