he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
