that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
