College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize