We're like a lot better than the average bears
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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