Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I want to fling myself into the sun
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
