im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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