rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
