As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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