hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
