After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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