Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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