your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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