Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
