"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
