Already got asked if we're dating
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
