You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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