your room smells of hookers.
And success
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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