I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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