What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
