I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
