I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
