when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
