can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just googled if crying burns calories
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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