I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
