Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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