She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
bring money and cleavage
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
