Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Someone came in the potted fern
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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