If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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