I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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