tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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