when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
