Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
