I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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