i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
