after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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