and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
