Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
