I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
