He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
