I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Randomize
