Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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