Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
