Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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