He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
