Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
