Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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