I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize