Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
