My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i out mim tonsoeep
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
