When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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