Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
