Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

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(954): View more from Florida

Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet

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(954): View more from Florida

it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.

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(903): View more from Texas

Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.

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(817): View more from Texas

Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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(307): View more from Wyoming

there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence

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(+61): View more from Australia

How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.

(1-267): View more from Pennsylvania

While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"

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