Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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