new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
