We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize