I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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