all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
