I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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