The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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