I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
