You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
