Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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