I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i already hear my dad disowning me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
