apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
