Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
