he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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