That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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