I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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