areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
