Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
