when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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