Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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