Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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