She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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