This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
